IT'S NOT JUST A NUMBER...

Yeah, yeah...I know that it's been FOREVER since I've done an update here. And for that I apologize. The reason there hasn't been an update is that there's been nothing to update at all.

I've been stuck. Stuck gaining and losing the same 3 pounds for the last three months. It's so frustrating knowing that you are doing all the right things (okay MAYBE the bag of Godiva Sea Salt Carmels didn't help the process, but they are evil and I love, love, love them!) and you still can't get beyond a certain point.

The thing about the lap band is that it isn't a magic pill. I still work hard every day to get to where I want to be. I still have to eat the right things (and those Godiva chocolates definitely aren't the right things....) and I work out 4-5 days a week. I run and do weight training and my trainer kicks my ass three days a week. Sometimes when people hear that I've had the lap band, I think that they look at me and wonder why I'm not 120 lbs already. Because let's face it...I paid A LOT of money for this and it should do something immediately, right?

Wrong!

It's a struggle every day for me. And I work damn hard. So when I work so hard and see no results,

it's a very frustrating thing. Every time I step on the scale and see the same numbers I want to scream...I want to cry...I want to EAT!! Honestly, how many times have you been trying to lose weight and doing good things toward that goal, and then nothing is happening so you think, "Screw it! If it's not going to work, then I'm going to just eat until I have to wear nothing but mumus..." That was the hardest thing to deal with over the past 3 or so months. Knowing that just because I have the band doesn't mean that I can't go back to the way that I was...it doesn't stop me from eating.

I even tried to have it tightened up a little bit to see if that helped because I was getting hungry between meals. That actually made things worse. I was miserable for a month (by my own devise because I thought that I could stick it out and the band would loosen a bit and things would be good - my doctor always says come in anytime and get adjusted if you need to - but I'm stubborn!). Here's the thing with the band...all the crappy food that I LOVE goes down just fine no matter how tight the band is. So I would TRY to eat my normal foods (even my berries weren't working) and when I couldn't I was still hungry so I ate crap food.

About three weeks ago I finally got smart and had them loosen the band. PRAISE BE!! I was able to eat again! I instantly felt better...BUT those numbers on the scale weren't going anywhere (I know, I know...it's just a number, but in the journey I am on, that's my measuring stick so it's important to me).

Until yesterday.

For three months I have been stuck between 203 and 200.2 pounds. I was trying to be under 200 by my 6 month anniversary (which was on June 9). It didn't happen. Okay, pull it back together and try for the 7 month anniversary. Nope! Still just hoovering at that 203-200.2 range. SO FRUSTRATING!!

And then....

 

YEEEESSS!!

And that's why this morning when I got doughnuts for the kids, I didn't have a one! I had my protein drink instead. It took me just over 7 months (give or take 12 years) and now that I'm here, I'm not going back...EVER!