My 600 Pound Life

I love this quote, because every time I update this blog I feel so vulnerable and have to muster that courage to share so much of myself, my challenges, my failures, and my success with everyone...

So, it's been a while and really that's just because there hasn't been much for me to cheer about or to bitch about. Life is pretty normal for me... I haven't had any issues with eating anything. I've had a few things that aren't the best for me, but for the most part I don't eat a lot of crap. My family has had meals actually cooked by me most every night lately, and I've been working my ass off (literally) at the gym 4 -5 days a week.

One good thing is that I seem to have broken through the plateau that I'd hit where I'd go up 2 lbs and

then lose 1 lb...then up 1 and down 2...I gained and lost the same few pounds for about 2 weeks. But this week, I finally broke it and am down 6 lbs from the high end of that. Now, I know that it's not the number on the scale...and my clothes have been fitting me differently (I don't have to wear my Spanx with my smaller size jeans anymore :) ), but let's face it people...we ALWAYS care what that number is. It's the concrete proof and confirmation of what you are doing. I am working on taking other things into consideration. Now that I'm starting to SEE the me that I picture in the mirror, I am starting to focus more on that. (I will post pictures on Feb 9 - which will be 2 months post-surgery) So, for now, give me a break for focusing on the numbers...I'm trying.

Now, I have to talk about a show on TLC that I've found this week and I completely relate to. It's called My 600 Pound Life. Each episode follows an EXTREMELY overweight person through gastric bypass surgery. Now, let me say right here that I am in now way using this as a way to make myself feel better or that I am better than these people. I watched two shows this week and felt such a kinship with the two women's stories.

My starting weight in all of this was about half of what the two shows I watched were...but in my mind I was as big as them. With the high blood pressure and surely on my way to other health issues, I saw no difference. Another difference is that I chose lapband instead of gastric bypass, which is what the doctor performs, but the end result and the diet seems very similar. There is a strict diet right after surgery (which you all heard me complain about) and then one of the most important things is when you do start eating is to get A LOT of protein (I eat between 45 - 55 grams EVERYDAY) and to start some sort of exercise or at least moving.

The first episode I watched was a woman who really just didn't get it. She refused to follow the doctor's orders and acted like everyone was out to get her and trying to hurt her. I felt so sorry for her. The one thing that I've learned through this is that obviously I didn't know how to lose this weight on my own...that's why I went to the professionals. I have followed the rules (almost) to the letter. But when you are still eating like you did before the surgery and refuse to even try to get moving...then it's not going to work. In fact this woman actually gained 5 lbs after surgery!

The second episode I watched was the total opposite of the first one. This woman wanted to be healthy and lose the weight so badly. She reduced her diet and started an exercise program at a gym. She did cheat with something that was REALLY bad. She would get a Diet Dr. Pepper from time to time. Carbonated drinks are a HUGE no-no when you've had bariatric surgery. And, this poor woman had a husband who was completely unsupportive of her new lifestyle. On the way home from the hospital he actually went through a drive through and got food - turning to her and asking her if she wanted anything. I really hope that she succeeds because even with the handicap of a husband who was actually cruel to her she was determined.

What I love about this show is that it realistically shows the struggles and the challenges that people go through when they choose this option to get healthier and live a better life. My surgery wasn't as drastic and my weight loss won't ever be as drastic as these people who do succeed, but I'm experiencing the same things...but I'm soo lucky to have the love and support of my family and friends. So, if you have a chance to watch this show, please do...and because you've experienced this with me I think that you will appreciate this journey for them so much more.

Adapting

I haven't updated for a while because really there isn't much for me to report at the moment.

Life is getting pretty normal again for me. Though, I have been very much more active in making meal plans now. I try to plan out what nights will be something "quick and easy" because of sports and what nights I can actually make a meal. My kids are very active with sports and girl scouts and church activities, so some nights a family meal just isn't possible. On those nights I will just have a Weight Watchers meal or my new favorite thing a fried egg white with cheese and some fruit.

I am surprised by the fact that I am full with a small amount of food. Tonight was one of the nights that it was a busy night and I picked up pizza. I had one piece of pizza and a breadstick and I was satisfied. Before, I would have had 3 or 4 pieces of pizza and more than a few breadsticks. So, I can eat most things without any problems so far, I just don't meet a lot of them.

One of the hardest things I've found is slowing down. The whole point of the lap band is that the

opening from the esophagus to the stomach is made smaller so it takes longer for food to go down. I keep forgetting to slow down! It happens most when I am eating potatoes (which are one of my favorites at the moment - with my cheese sprinkle and some sour cream...yum!!). What happens when I eat too fast is I get A LOT of pressure in my chest - like a big lump is sitting in my chest. It's a little painful and VERY uncomfortable. Fortunately, if I stop eating for a few minutes and give the food some time to move down, I'm good. It's the worst thing that I've experienced so far, and I count myself lucky!

And I'm starting to get pissed because my weight fluctuates 2 - 3 pounds constantly! I'm not losing at all! My clothes are fitting better though, so I guess that's something. But, it's so frustrating when you aren't eating a ton (though I am totally satisfied with what I eat, and don't spend the day hungry and plotting what I can eat next), you aren't eating crap, and you are exercising and you go up and down over and over! One thing I think I'm getting better at that I hope helps me is getting enough water in. It's hard to get that much water in when you can't drink for two hours after eating. So, I've started making sure I get 16 oz of water between each meal. So far it's working - but I'll let you know if there's any effect on the weight loss!

I also have started working out again. Last week I spent the time on the treadmill. This week, however, I have started with a trainer - and he kicked my ass! In fact that is one of the things that hurts the most! He started me on a "Crossfit" type program, which I really like because it's something different each time so I don't get bored. Yesterday I had to do a lot of squats and step ups and today just getting up out of a chair was painful!! Walking down stairs I look like a 70 year old woman holding on to railings and going sideways...but I sucked it up and got on the treadmill today and even did some running (really I had hoped it would loosen the muscles up, but it didn't - stupid muscles). I go back tomorrow and so typing might not be in the cards for a few days because I'm sure he will work my arms!

 This journey is making me look at more than at exercise or eating, I'm looking at myself and figuring out things about myself every day. I want to be clear that I did this for myself! Not for anyone else (well, I guess in part for my kids). My feelings about my own body and health has nothing to do with how I feel about anyone else's body. My mom is a big girl and always has been, and I don't love her any less. Yes, I'd like her to lose weight because as she get older her health will become more of an issue, not because I'm disgusted by her in any way. This is about ME - not a social commentary on obesity. I have friends who are big and small...I care for each of them equally and I don't judge them in any way. I just knew it was time for me to do this for ME...really it's a selfish move on my part.

The Lord Giveth...and the Lord Taketh Away

Or something like that.

So, last time I told you I would explain how the lap band works. I've realized as I talk to people and watch their eyes glaze over when I say that I have to have it adjusted that people don't know exactly what the lap band is all about.

First, let me explain exactly what the lap band is. It's a small(ish) band that is lined with small pockets that is placed around the top of the stomach where it meets the esophagus. From that band is a thin tube that leads to a port that is placed under the skin just below the right rib cage (at least that's where mine is).

Now the point of the lap band is to limit the amount of food that a
person can take in. When the lap band is in place, the pockets can be filled with saline to make it tighter and therefore decreasing the size of the opening into the stomach. Or if it is too small (which happens) they can remove saline to open it up more. This is all done through that port that is under the skin.

One thing that my doctor said that I always think about when I'm eating is that the esophagus is a "no waiting zone". Which means that whatever you swallow either needs to go through that opening into the stomach or come back up...yeah that's right, I said it. So, the key to this whole thing seems to be chewing A LOT and eating very slowly.

What I say is that it's forced portion control because you can only have about a cup of food. A lot of it is that you are eating slower so your body has time to realize that you're full. If you eat fast, you're body will let you know...trust me. But, it wasn't painful at all, just had to slow down and let things work their way through the opening and then I was fine. 

After the surgery, the band is left fairly open because the tissue around it is swollen so they don't want to restrict it too much more than that. But as you heal and the swelling starts to subside, the opening to the stomach gets a little bigger and you can eat a little more. I have been experimenting and didn't find anything over the weekend that I couldn't eat...

And then he taketh away -

After a weekend of being able to eat real food for the first time in almost 4 weeks (I MAY have tried 5 Guys just to see if I could eat it. I could with only one bun and I only had about a quarter of it. But it was GOOD!), I was finally feeling like myself and staying up past 9:00 because I was so tired. AND THEN...I went in for my first adjustment. This is when they added saline to those pockets to tighten up the band and make that opening smaller so I eat less food.

I knew that I would have to eat "soft foods" for a few days after the adjustment and was fine with that. I had planned on some angel hair pasta with a marinara sauce for dinner tonight, and that sounded AWESOME! Well...nope. I found out today that I am back on liquid only diet for the day and then the mushy food for tomorrow (though my new favorite thing is a fried egg white with cheese mixed in, so I'm kinda okay with that), and then on Thursday I can start back to real food again. Not going to lie...a tear may have slipped out when I heard that.

And that's it! I tried to find the least gross pictures that I could to demonstrate how it all works, and I explained very basically because that's how I understand it (I'm sure there are lots of scientific and medical things that can be said, but I'm blonde and 44 years old, so simple is better). I have actual pictures of MY surgery and the lap band on my stomach and everything - they are pretty gross!

Oh, one more thing that is kind of interesting: my doctor actually sews the stomach up over the band. This helps to keep the lap band from slipping (which is one of the bad things that can happen, but there are a series of events that have to occur for that to happen), but there is an added benefit because it actually reduces the size of the stomach and studies of his patients have shown that they lose more weight quicker.

Finally, I was only down 3 pounds from before Christmas (but 25 since Nov. 22 when I started this journey in earnest). I think that my body is a little confused at the moment and just really doesn't know what to do. I've started back to the gym and will be with a personal trainer starting next week and I'm keeping track of my calories, so my goal is to be down 5 pounds when I go for my next adjustment in 2 weeks!

Is it hard to...

Hello all! Hope everyone had a good New Year! Ours was quiet because my kids were at a sleepover playing wild games and staying up until crazy hours in the morning (yeah, soooo glad it wasn't my house!). So it was just me and the husband and my mom. We watched a movie and then I fell asleep at 11pm - which is actually an hour and a half longer than I have been staying up lately!

But that's what brings me to what I wanted to talk about today. I know that you must be looking at the title of this post and what I just said and thinking..."WHAT? Has lack of food addled your brain woman?" Trust me, it will make sense in the end.

Over the past several weeks I've had questions from friends, and I'm always happy to answer them. Most questions are about how I'm feeling and what I can eat or when I get to eat. With the holidays, however, and the baking that I was doing and the making meals for my family I've gotten the question "Is that hard for you?"

Those things weren't hard for me.

I will tell you what has been hard for me...

Well first, smelling pizza is a KILLER!! I LOVE pizza and I wanted some so badly. But I stuck to my egg and baked potato, because I'm a good girl. Oh, and the no drinking for 2 hours after eating is tough. Next time you are eating a meal, push your drink away from you so you don't drink and eat your meal...I know you are shaking your head right now because NO ONE in their right mind does that!! But I do now...and then can't drink for 2 hours.

What's funny is even my kids know this little fact and life change for me, and we all know that what comes out of kids' mouths is often funny and truthful... So one day last week we were leaving Target and it was almost 3 in the afternoon. I said that I needed to go home and nap and my 10 year old son (those of you who know him will hear this in his voice and really laugh I'm sure) says (loudly), "But mom, you get to drink at 3!" A few people looked at us, and all I could do is laugh.

The absolutely hardest thing has been not being able to be the mom that I was just a month ago. My job is being a mom...it's what I do. With the surgery, obviously I was limited for a few days, but it was after that that I would get frustrated and cry a little bit. Logically I understood that I wasn't putting food/fuel into my body, but I was still TRYING to keep up and be the mom that I was (I went on a field trip with 70+ fifth graders a week after my surgery!) and my body rebelled!

I spent most afternoons on the couch curled up with a blanket and falling asleep. I was so tired that often when it was time to take the kids up and tuck them into bed, I couldn't even muster the energy to do that. I hated that part. All I wanted to do was sleep for days.

It wasn't until after Christmas that I started to feel so much better and have more energy. Don't get me wrong...I still napped when I could, but I was awake when it was time to put my kids to bed. Of course I was asleep a half an hour after they were in bed, but I was able to tuck them in and that's all that mattered!

So you see the tie in...I'm always tired!! And even New Year's Eve couldn't keep me awake!

By the way...I ate REAL FOOD today! I had angel hair pasta with homemade marinara and it was the best thing I've had in forever!!

Next update will include another picture update and since my best friend got a lesson in how the lapband works today and was fascinated, I'll share that with all of you too!

Have a great weekend and wish me luck as I try more foods!