Adapting

I haven't updated for a while because really there isn't much for me to report at the moment.

Life is getting pretty normal again for me. Though, I have been very much more active in making meal plans now. I try to plan out what nights will be something "quick and easy" because of sports and what nights I can actually make a meal. My kids are very active with sports and girl scouts and church activities, so some nights a family meal just isn't possible. On those nights I will just have a Weight Watchers meal or my new favorite thing a fried egg white with cheese and some fruit.

I am surprised by the fact that I am full with a small amount of food. Tonight was one of the nights that it was a busy night and I picked up pizza. I had one piece of pizza and a breadstick and I was satisfied. Before, I would have had 3 or 4 pieces of pizza and more than a few breadsticks. So, I can eat most things without any problems so far, I just don't meet a lot of them.

One of the hardest things I've found is slowing down. The whole point of the lap band is that the

opening from the esophagus to the stomach is made smaller so it takes longer for food to go down. I keep forgetting to slow down! It happens most when I am eating potatoes (which are one of my favorites at the moment - with my cheese sprinkle and some sour cream...yum!!). What happens when I eat too fast is I get A LOT of pressure in my chest - like a big lump is sitting in my chest. It's a little painful and VERY uncomfortable. Fortunately, if I stop eating for a few minutes and give the food some time to move down, I'm good. It's the worst thing that I've experienced so far, and I count myself lucky!

And I'm starting to get pissed because my weight fluctuates 2 - 3 pounds constantly! I'm not losing at all! My clothes are fitting better though, so I guess that's something. But, it's so frustrating when you aren't eating a ton (though I am totally satisfied with what I eat, and don't spend the day hungry and plotting what I can eat next), you aren't eating crap, and you are exercising and you go up and down over and over! One thing I think I'm getting better at that I hope helps me is getting enough water in. It's hard to get that much water in when you can't drink for two hours after eating. So, I've started making sure I get 16 oz of water between each meal. So far it's working - but I'll let you know if there's any effect on the weight loss!

I also have started working out again. Last week I spent the time on the treadmill. This week, however, I have started with a trainer - and he kicked my ass! In fact that is one of the things that hurts the most! He started me on a "Crossfit" type program, which I really like because it's something different each time so I don't get bored. Yesterday I had to do a lot of squats and step ups and today just getting up out of a chair was painful!! Walking down stairs I look like a 70 year old woman holding on to railings and going sideways...but I sucked it up and got on the treadmill today and even did some running (really I had hoped it would loosen the muscles up, but it didn't - stupid muscles). I go back tomorrow and so typing might not be in the cards for a few days because I'm sure he will work my arms!

 This journey is making me look at more than at exercise or eating, I'm looking at myself and figuring out things about myself every day. I want to be clear that I did this for myself! Not for anyone else (well, I guess in part for my kids). My feelings about my own body and health has nothing to do with how I feel about anyone else's body. My mom is a big girl and always has been, and I don't love her any less. Yes, I'd like her to lose weight because as she get older her health will become more of an issue, not because I'm disgusted by her in any way. This is about ME - not a social commentary on obesity. I have friends who are big and small...I care for each of them equally and I don't judge them in any way. I just knew it was time for me to do this for ME...really it's a selfish move on my part.