AAUGH! Plateaus Suck!

I feel like Charlie Brown when Lucy pulls the football away...

It's funny, but I just realized that is was about this time last year that I started to research weight loss surgery because I had finally made the decision to do something proactive about my weight. I had gotten to a point that just looking in the mirror every day was so depressing, and God help me if a picture of me showed up somewhere!

Of course I was sure when I started researching and made the decision to have the lap band surgery that by now...a year later, I would be wearing a bikini (okay, well it's October in Utah, so that's sooo not going to happen, but you get the idea). But, no. I'm stuck. I've been stuck for months now. And that's why there hasn't been updates in so long. So now I'm hoping that getting this all out will help me get myself back on the road to finding myself.

Yes, I've hit the dreaded PLATEAU!

I just can't break that 200 pound mark. I have done it a few times, but always end up creeping back over that line. And that's why I feel like Charlie Brown these days. It's so frustrating and disheartening to see the scale move so little or actually go up. My last two doctor's visits have been gains. AAUGH!!

BUT...and that's a big but (yes, I did giggle a little bit because really I'm talking about weight loss and I said "big but"...hahaha) - I'm not giving up! I knew when I started this journey that it was going to be work. Even though people think that I magically just lose the weight. That's not the case at all. I work HARD.  And that's the part that is frustrating.

I've tried all the things (and everyone will tell you something different on how to "jump start your metabolism") that I've heard about on how to get past the plateau. I tried more protein - adding peanut butter (and PB2 to avoid the extra fat and calories) to my protein shakes, drinking two protein drinks and eating one meal, eating normally for a day, fasting for a day...done it all. Nothing seems to work.

I'm still not giving up! 


Now I'm tracking with My Fitness Pal and am participating in a Biggest Loser at my gym. My hope is that with this kind of accountability I can just out and out force my body to get with the program. So far I've lost almost 7 pounds - so maybe I'm doing something right? But the proof is in the pudding...mmmmmm...pudding...oh wait - sorry got off track there for a minute....where was I before pudding was mentioned? Oh, yeah - so another bend in the road of this journey for me, and around the corner I have to believe is the edge of this plateau. And when that happens, I will be right on that straight road to good health and feeling good about myself again.

I'm never giving up. One day I will kick the football...

IT'S NOT JUST A NUMBER...

Yeah, yeah...I know that it's been FOREVER since I've done an update here. And for that I apologize. The reason there hasn't been an update is that there's been nothing to update at all.

I've been stuck. Stuck gaining and losing the same 3 pounds for the last three months. It's so frustrating knowing that you are doing all the right things (okay MAYBE the bag of Godiva Sea Salt Carmels didn't help the process, but they are evil and I love, love, love them!) and you still can't get beyond a certain point.

The thing about the lap band is that it isn't a magic pill. I still work hard every day to get to where I want to be. I still have to eat the right things (and those Godiva chocolates definitely aren't the right things....) and I work out 4-5 days a week. I run and do weight training and my trainer kicks my ass three days a week. Sometimes when people hear that I've had the lap band, I think that they look at me and wonder why I'm not 120 lbs already. Because let's face it...I paid A LOT of money for this and it should do something immediately, right?

Wrong!

It's a struggle every day for me. And I work damn hard. So when I work so hard and see no results,

it's a very frustrating thing. Every time I step on the scale and see the same numbers I want to scream...I want to cry...I want to EAT!! Honestly, how many times have you been trying to lose weight and doing good things toward that goal, and then nothing is happening so you think, "Screw it! If it's not going to work, then I'm going to just eat until I have to wear nothing but mumus..." That was the hardest thing to deal with over the past 3 or so months. Knowing that just because I have the band doesn't mean that I can't go back to the way that I was...it doesn't stop me from eating.

I even tried to have it tightened up a little bit to see if that helped because I was getting hungry between meals. That actually made things worse. I was miserable for a month (by my own devise because I thought that I could stick it out and the band would loosen a bit and things would be good - my doctor always says come in anytime and get adjusted if you need to - but I'm stubborn!). Here's the thing with the band...all the crappy food that I LOVE goes down just fine no matter how tight the band is. So I would TRY to eat my normal foods (even my berries weren't working) and when I couldn't I was still hungry so I ate crap food.

About three weeks ago I finally got smart and had them loosen the band. PRAISE BE!! I was able to eat again! I instantly felt better...BUT those numbers on the scale weren't going anywhere (I know, I know...it's just a number, but in the journey I am on, that's my measuring stick so it's important to me).

Until yesterday.

For three months I have been stuck between 203 and 200.2 pounds. I was trying to be under 200 by my 6 month anniversary (which was on June 9). It didn't happen. Okay, pull it back together and try for the 7 month anniversary. Nope! Still just hoovering at that 203-200.2 range. SO FRUSTRATING!!

And then....

 

YEEEESSS!!

And that's why this morning when I got doughnuts for the kids, I didn't have a one! I had my protein drink instead. It took me just over 7 months (give or take 12 years) and now that I'm here, I'm not going back...EVER!

Three Months Later...

So, as of today March 9, 2014, I am three months post op. Which is the impetus for this update. I apologize for not updating more, but really...things are going really well and I don't have much to update.

It's funny because after my first doctor's appointment before the surgery, I was sure that this blogging was going to be a great way to vent when things were horrible...when I was starving and not able to eat, or when I was craving pizza and I couldn't eat it because of my lap band - none of that is happening to me. I have adjust really well to my new lifestyle and love it. There isn't anything that I have had an issue eating (including pizza and the yeast rolls as Texas Road House) and I go between 5 and 6 hours between meals and don't get hungry.

I never meant for this to be just me posting about how much weight I am down...honest. But there are no issues for me so far. Even my traveling wasn't a problem. I didn't eat too much, but I didn't eat great either, and no problems with the lap band from the flight (and I didn't gain - or lose - any weight).

One of the best things that has happened was people have started to really notice the difference in my body now. I was at my kids' school and walked out of the office as one of my friends who I've known since our girls were in Kindergarten together (they're in 5th grade now!) was coming down the hall. She stopped and said, "I almost didn't recognize you." - best compliment ever!! The next day there was a morning function at the school and I had several people comment on how I looked. I'll tell you my chin was higher than its been in a long time.

I saw something on Pintrest the other day and now I'm kicking myself for not saving it, but it said something like - "It takes six weeks for you to notice the change in your body, eight weeks for friends and family to notice and twelve weeks for everyone else to notice." It's been twelve weeks!

Okay, I am finally going to get to the meat of this post... I weigh 210 lbs today - down 42 pounds from November when I went to the doctor for the first visit and 33 since the day of surgery! I'm so proud of myself and can honestly say that lap band surgery is the best decision that I have ever made!

Here are the before and afters...I had to stop taking pictures in the same outfit because it doesn't fit anymore - the pants were falling off! Good problem to have...

We are going on vacation at the end of the month to Hawaii, and I want to be in the low 200s (I want

200, but would be okay with like 202ish), so I have lots more work to do over the next few weeks! Especially since I have boxes of Girl Scout Cookies in my house..yeah that's right - and they know my name!! I will confess to eating a whole box of Dulce deLeche and a sleeve of DoSiDos... but this time it happened over several days instead of all in one sitting, so I think that's progress!

Two Months Post-op

So, it's been a while...I'd apologize, but I've just been sooo busy and things are going really well, so not too much to report on. Y'all don't want to hear about my everyday mom life...trust me!

But, since it's been two whole months (Dec. 9 was surgery), I thought that an update and a new picture was in order. Now, I started counting my weight loss from November 22, 2013 because that's the first day that I went to the lap band surgeon, so for me that's where I start my journey. On that day, I weight 252 pounds. I can tell you all that this morning I was down to 217! That's 35 pounds! On the day of surgery I was 243 because I was a good girl and followed the diet for the two weeks before. So in two months I've lost 26 pounds.

Dec 9 2013

Dec 23 2013

Feb 9 2014

It's not all about the number on the scale, I know this... but that's one tangible way to measure my progress. I feel better about myself and my health as well. I am more confident these days and can tell that I carry myself differently. I'm down four sizes in my pants and am about a month away from not having to buy "plus" sizes anymore. I may need to get a job to pay for all the new clothes that I will be buying! I'm just happier right now than I've been in a long time...and I like the way it feels.

I'm about to jump another hurdle in this journey, however. Tomorrow I am heading to California for

  the week - half pleasure and half work. The beginning of the week I will be in Sacramento to visit with my sister-in-law and her boyfriend and my brother-in-law (people think it's weird that I am going to spend time with husband's siblings, but I've been married for more than half my life at this point, so they are like my siblings too.) and then I'll get to have lunch with my bff from high school! At the end of the week I am heading to San Francisco for the San Francisco Writers Conference where I will be taking pitches for my company.

Two things that I will have to overcome in this trip:

First, flying in and of itself can have some effects on the lap band, and truth be told, I'm kind of nervous about the whole experience. Because the band is filled with saline, there is a chance that there could be small air pockets in those pockets. This means that the altitude could cause those air pockets to expand and in turn cause the band to get tighter. I've heard stories about people who have only been able to drink water for days on vacation because of this. REALLY?? Ummmm...this would be one of those moments where I think..."Why did I think this was a good idea?". In order to hopefully avoid this, I skipped my last adjustment so there is no new saline in my band, and it seems to be in a good place right now - I haven't had any issues with eating anything since my last adjustment almost 3 weeks ago. So, I'm going to try not to think about it...and hope that when I land, I can do more than sip water! *fingers crossed*

The second issue for me will be actually eating. I mean I can eat anything I want (as long as everything is okay when I land)...and that's a problem! Right now I have a routine for the day - breakfast around 8:00am I drink a protein drink, 1:00pm I have a fried egg white (no oil or anything to fry it) with blackberries and raspberries and smoked almonds, 6:00pm dinner (whatever we are having and it varies). But, I'll be staying in hotels for a week, I don't have the ability to stay on that kind of schedule and diet. I think that being prepared and aware will definitely help me, but I'm also realistic and know that I will come back with a few extra pounds (I can't be in California without going to Round Table Pizza). I've packed some high protein nut packs and protein granola bars for those days when I need a boost.

We'll see how things end up next week! This is all new and I'll have to deal with it for the rest of my life, so why not get it out of the way now? Wish me luck!

Hope everyone has a Happy Valentine's Day!

My 600 Pound Life

I love this quote, because every time I update this blog I feel so vulnerable and have to muster that courage to share so much of myself, my challenges, my failures, and my success with everyone...

So, it's been a while and really that's just because there hasn't been much for me to cheer about or to bitch about. Life is pretty normal for me... I haven't had any issues with eating anything. I've had a few things that aren't the best for me, but for the most part I don't eat a lot of crap. My family has had meals actually cooked by me most every night lately, and I've been working my ass off (literally) at the gym 4 -5 days a week.

One good thing is that I seem to have broken through the plateau that I'd hit where I'd go up 2 lbs and

then lose 1 lb...then up 1 and down 2...I gained and lost the same few pounds for about 2 weeks. But this week, I finally broke it and am down 6 lbs from the high end of that. Now, I know that it's not the number on the scale...and my clothes have been fitting me differently (I don't have to wear my Spanx with my smaller size jeans anymore :) ), but let's face it people...we ALWAYS care what that number is. It's the concrete proof and confirmation of what you are doing. I am working on taking other things into consideration. Now that I'm starting to SEE the me that I picture in the mirror, I am starting to focus more on that. (I will post pictures on Feb 9 - which will be 2 months post-surgery) So, for now, give me a break for focusing on the numbers...I'm trying.

Now, I have to talk about a show on TLC that I've found this week and I completely relate to. It's called My 600 Pound Life. Each episode follows an EXTREMELY overweight person through gastric bypass surgery. Now, let me say right here that I am in now way using this as a way to make myself feel better or that I am better than these people. I watched two shows this week and felt such a kinship with the two women's stories.

My starting weight in all of this was about half of what the two shows I watched were...but in my mind I was as big as them. With the high blood pressure and surely on my way to other health issues, I saw no difference. Another difference is that I chose lapband instead of gastric bypass, which is what the doctor performs, but the end result and the diet seems very similar. There is a strict diet right after surgery (which you all heard me complain about) and then one of the most important things is when you do start eating is to get A LOT of protein (I eat between 45 - 55 grams EVERYDAY) and to start some sort of exercise or at least moving.

The first episode I watched was a woman who really just didn't get it. She refused to follow the doctor's orders and acted like everyone was out to get her and trying to hurt her. I felt so sorry for her. The one thing that I've learned through this is that obviously I didn't know how to lose this weight on my own...that's why I went to the professionals. I have followed the rules (almost) to the letter. But when you are still eating like you did before the surgery and refuse to even try to get moving...then it's not going to work. In fact this woman actually gained 5 lbs after surgery!

The second episode I watched was the total opposite of the first one. This woman wanted to be healthy and lose the weight so badly. She reduced her diet and started an exercise program at a gym. She did cheat with something that was REALLY bad. She would get a Diet Dr. Pepper from time to time. Carbonated drinks are a HUGE no-no when you've had bariatric surgery. And, this poor woman had a husband who was completely unsupportive of her new lifestyle. On the way home from the hospital he actually went through a drive through and got food - turning to her and asking her if she wanted anything. I really hope that she succeeds because even with the handicap of a husband who was actually cruel to her she was determined.

What I love about this show is that it realistically shows the struggles and the challenges that people go through when they choose this option to get healthier and live a better life. My surgery wasn't as drastic and my weight loss won't ever be as drastic as these people who do succeed, but I'm experiencing the same things...but I'm soo lucky to have the love and support of my family and friends. So, if you have a chance to watch this show, please do...and because you've experienced this with me I think that you will appreciate this journey for them so much more.

Adapting

I haven't updated for a while because really there isn't much for me to report at the moment.

Life is getting pretty normal again for me. Though, I have been very much more active in making meal plans now. I try to plan out what nights will be something "quick and easy" because of sports and what nights I can actually make a meal. My kids are very active with sports and girl scouts and church activities, so some nights a family meal just isn't possible. On those nights I will just have a Weight Watchers meal or my new favorite thing a fried egg white with cheese and some fruit.

I am surprised by the fact that I am full with a small amount of food. Tonight was one of the nights that it was a busy night and I picked up pizza. I had one piece of pizza and a breadstick and I was satisfied. Before, I would have had 3 or 4 pieces of pizza and more than a few breadsticks. So, I can eat most things without any problems so far, I just don't meet a lot of them.

One of the hardest things I've found is slowing down. The whole point of the lap band is that the

opening from the esophagus to the stomach is made smaller so it takes longer for food to go down. I keep forgetting to slow down! It happens most when I am eating potatoes (which are one of my favorites at the moment - with my cheese sprinkle and some sour cream...yum!!). What happens when I eat too fast is I get A LOT of pressure in my chest - like a big lump is sitting in my chest. It's a little painful and VERY uncomfortable. Fortunately, if I stop eating for a few minutes and give the food some time to move down, I'm good. It's the worst thing that I've experienced so far, and I count myself lucky!

And I'm starting to get pissed because my weight fluctuates 2 - 3 pounds constantly! I'm not losing at all! My clothes are fitting better though, so I guess that's something. But, it's so frustrating when you aren't eating a ton (though I am totally satisfied with what I eat, and don't spend the day hungry and plotting what I can eat next), you aren't eating crap, and you are exercising and you go up and down over and over! One thing I think I'm getting better at that I hope helps me is getting enough water in. It's hard to get that much water in when you can't drink for two hours after eating. So, I've started making sure I get 16 oz of water between each meal. So far it's working - but I'll let you know if there's any effect on the weight loss!

I also have started working out again. Last week I spent the time on the treadmill. This week, however, I have started with a trainer - and he kicked my ass! In fact that is one of the things that hurts the most! He started me on a "Crossfit" type program, which I really like because it's something different each time so I don't get bored. Yesterday I had to do a lot of squats and step ups and today just getting up out of a chair was painful!! Walking down stairs I look like a 70 year old woman holding on to railings and going sideways...but I sucked it up and got on the treadmill today and even did some running (really I had hoped it would loosen the muscles up, but it didn't - stupid muscles). I go back tomorrow and so typing might not be in the cards for a few days because I'm sure he will work my arms!

 This journey is making me look at more than at exercise or eating, I'm looking at myself and figuring out things about myself every day. I want to be clear that I did this for myself! Not for anyone else (well, I guess in part for my kids). My feelings about my own body and health has nothing to do with how I feel about anyone else's body. My mom is a big girl and always has been, and I don't love her any less. Yes, I'd like her to lose weight because as she get older her health will become more of an issue, not because I'm disgusted by her in any way. This is about ME - not a social commentary on obesity. I have friends who are big and small...I care for each of them equally and I don't judge them in any way. I just knew it was time for me to do this for ME...really it's a selfish move on my part.

The Lord Giveth...and the Lord Taketh Away

Or something like that.

So, last time I told you I would explain how the lap band works. I've realized as I talk to people and watch their eyes glaze over when I say that I have to have it adjusted that people don't know exactly what the lap band is all about.

First, let me explain exactly what the lap band is. It's a small(ish) band that is lined with small pockets that is placed around the top of the stomach where it meets the esophagus. From that band is a thin tube that leads to a port that is placed under the skin just below the right rib cage (at least that's where mine is).

Now the point of the lap band is to limit the amount of food that a
person can take in. When the lap band is in place, the pockets can be filled with saline to make it tighter and therefore decreasing the size of the opening into the stomach. Or if it is too small (which happens) they can remove saline to open it up more. This is all done through that port that is under the skin.

One thing that my doctor said that I always think about when I'm eating is that the esophagus is a "no waiting zone". Which means that whatever you swallow either needs to go through that opening into the stomach or come back up...yeah that's right, I said it. So, the key to this whole thing seems to be chewing A LOT and eating very slowly.

What I say is that it's forced portion control because you can only have about a cup of food. A lot of it is that you are eating slower so your body has time to realize that you're full. If you eat fast, you're body will let you know...trust me. But, it wasn't painful at all, just had to slow down and let things work their way through the opening and then I was fine. 

After the surgery, the band is left fairly open because the tissue around it is swollen so they don't want to restrict it too much more than that. But as you heal and the swelling starts to subside, the opening to the stomach gets a little bigger and you can eat a little more. I have been experimenting and didn't find anything over the weekend that I couldn't eat...

And then he taketh away -

After a weekend of being able to eat real food for the first time in almost 4 weeks (I MAY have tried 5 Guys just to see if I could eat it. I could with only one bun and I only had about a quarter of it. But it was GOOD!), I was finally feeling like myself and staying up past 9:00 because I was so tired. AND THEN...I went in for my first adjustment. This is when they added saline to those pockets to tighten up the band and make that opening smaller so I eat less food.

I knew that I would have to eat "soft foods" for a few days after the adjustment and was fine with that. I had planned on some angel hair pasta with a marinara sauce for dinner tonight, and that sounded AWESOME! Well...nope. I found out today that I am back on liquid only diet for the day and then the mushy food for tomorrow (though my new favorite thing is a fried egg white with cheese mixed in, so I'm kinda okay with that), and then on Thursday I can start back to real food again. Not going to lie...a tear may have slipped out when I heard that.

And that's it! I tried to find the least gross pictures that I could to demonstrate how it all works, and I explained very basically because that's how I understand it (I'm sure there are lots of scientific and medical things that can be said, but I'm blonde and 44 years old, so simple is better). I have actual pictures of MY surgery and the lap band on my stomach and everything - they are pretty gross!

Oh, one more thing that is kind of interesting: my doctor actually sews the stomach up over the band. This helps to keep the lap band from slipping (which is one of the bad things that can happen, but there are a series of events that have to occur for that to happen), but there is an added benefit because it actually reduces the size of the stomach and studies of his patients have shown that they lose more weight quicker.

Finally, I was only down 3 pounds from before Christmas (but 25 since Nov. 22 when I started this journey in earnest). I think that my body is a little confused at the moment and just really doesn't know what to do. I've started back to the gym and will be with a personal trainer starting next week and I'm keeping track of my calories, so my goal is to be down 5 pounds when I go for my next adjustment in 2 weeks!