The Last Meal

Yes, that's right...I had my last meal (for a while).

I've been preparing the house all week - you know, laundry is all done, place is fairly clean, fridge is stocked for husband to feed my monkeys. And now as I sit down for the first time today (had our annual double Birthday Party for my kids today) I'm starting to think about the consequences and my future.

Tomorrow morning at 9:30am MST I will be heading into surgery for my lap band. This is a change for the rest of my life.

Am I scared? Ummmm...not of the surgery. More scared of the incredible life change that will happen after the surgery. My whole world will have to change. No more just running by McDonald's on my way home or picking up a pizza for the family. In reality, I will still be ABLE to eat those things, but will really have to be careful with them. I think that there will be a lot of experimenting in my future.

Here's the thing - I have an eating disorder that makes this whole thing that much more difficult and daunting. For years I was called a "picky eater". I only eat a handful of different foods, and trying  something new causes a panic attack. Logically, I know that things must taste good because millions of people eat them, but in my mind it just doesn't look like something I should eat. A few years ago husband brought up a story on the web about a new eating disorder that was being studied at Duke University. It's called Selective Eating Disorder.

After reading the article, I cried. For 40 years I have dealt with doctors, friends, strangers, my in-laws telling me that I was silly and it was all in my head (which is kinda true, but not in the way they were thinking). Now, to have find that this is something that more people deal with  made it feel like I wasn't alone. And once I started reading about other people's stories, I discovered that I actually wasn't as bad as a lot of people with this disorder. I will eat a Cesear salad and baked potato which I can get at most restaurants, so that's something. (Really Google Selective Eating Disorder and see what some of these people eat - some have like 4 things they can eat!)

So, having this extra hurdle makes this thing all the more scary!

Protein is a major requirement for the lap band to work properly, and that's probably what I eat the least of in my diet. So, I have been looking at things that I can eat that will help me with getting enough protein. I like eggs, so that will  probably be a major staple in my life. And I will be investing in protein powder and protein shakes (Muscle Milk makes and AWESOME banana cream protein shake so that's a plus). One of my goals is to add chicken into my diet. I think that for me that will be an important thing to do in order to succeed...and that's what's scary.

I don't want to fail...I won't allow myself to fail at this.

Oh, I bet you all want to know what I had for my last meal...baked ziti with garlic toast - YUM!!

Wish me luck! Next update will post my "before" pic and let you all know how the surgery went.